Sunday, October 21, 2012
I thought a lot about parenting styles this week. The text talked about the balance between warmth and control in establishing an effective parenting style. So many parents I know seem to struggle with the control aspect of parenting. They worry so much about their kids being mad at them, case in point the girl in the podcast screaming I hate you at her mother. I can't imagine tolerating that kind of behavior but I see it all the time. I firmly believe that it's okay for your kids to be mad at you but they do not have the right to express it any way they want. I believe that in order to respect themselves they have to learn to respect other people. It is not my children's job to make me feel good, in the end it is my job to make sure that they grow up to be responsible, decent human beings. I believe in providing choices within reason that are age and maturity appropriate. It is normal for kids to test limits but incredibly important for them to have limits to test. I don't believe that permissive parenting provides the necessary structure for children to grow any sense of responsibility. I can appreciate that parents of lower socioeconomic status face greater stress when parenting but I do not agree that it necessarily translates into less effective parenting. I think that parents of higher socioeconomic status often provide more permissive parenting giving things instead of time. Children who grow up with less material things are often more connected to family and derive much of their identity from that interaction. Discipline has become a bad word in our society but discipline is essential to achieving any goal. If we are able to teach our children restraint and determination they have a much easier path to success. Children like adults need to feel a sense of responsibility to something bigger than themselves . It is important to me that my children feel accountable to the family and to each other. I want them to ask questions, to make intelligent decisions. I want to make sure that I give them the tools to become what they are intended to be.
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I really appreciate your approach to parenting and hope more can catch on to your mentality. My mother was always very authoritarian when it came to parenting when we were young. The trouble is that she went from being a very strict, hands on type of teacher/mentor to wanting to be our friend. My siblings and I didn’t know what to do with this drastic change. I feel that I was most affected by her switch because I was the youngest and depended on the rules she had previously structured. Once she was on her ‘friend’ role, I didn’t get the direction I needed. I went downhill for a few years seeing as I was allowed to do whatever I wanted without any consequences. With the help of my brother and maturity I have become the person I want to be, not the person I was on my way to being. I strongly believe that we, as parents, have a very serious responsibility of not only being a comfort and safe haven for our children, but a strong example of determination and self discipline. It is our job to teach them how to be good, moral people and it isn’t one to waste.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have put a lot of good thought into your parenting style. I wish more people would... It is interesting the connection you made between high socioeconomic status and permmisive parenting styles. I could definitely believe that given the town I grew up in.
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