Tuesday, November 13, 2012
I thought a lot about midlife myths this week. At 42 I am right in the middle of the whole high risk for mid life crisis time. The funny thing is that I feel much quieter than I did even five years ago. I do think more about the time that I have left but with considerably less desperation than I felt in my twenties when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. At this point in my life I am able to look at what I've accomplished and what I still want to do and know that I'll get there. I'm mature enough to enjoy the ride and know that the process is as important as the goal. I've had my share of disappointments but I found out that I was stronger than I thought. I realized that we can break and we can heal and we can move forward. I know who I am. I know my strengths and my shortcomings. I know whats important to me. I wouldn't trade 40 for 20 I've learned to much. I'm still trying to find balance, I work to much, play to little. I have crazy high expectations and I am often impatient. But I am much more realistic. I will never be a rock star or a famous actress and I don't need to be. I am a mother and an amazing nurse. I am a dreamer and a teacher. I am serious and silly. I love and I am loved. There is so much power in who we are in our own corner in our own spot right now. Learning to be in this moment in my life without looking to far forward or to far back is something I wouldn't trade for all the wrinkle free skin on the planet. Mid life is its own journey. I continue to grow. I am less afraid of challenging myself, I am well acquainted with my own ability to bounce back. I am less afraid of failure. I am more okay with me than I have ever been.
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I think your account with the mid life is very important to take note of. You represent the idea that not all people that reach their early to mid 40's go through a “mid-life crisis”. Basically that it isn't really supposed to be that way, and not all people when reflecting on their past accomplishments and possible future selves have a meltdown. It's refreshing to hear accounts of people that look at who they are mid way through the lifespan and say, “Hey, I did alright”.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that is interesting about your age is how you mentioned how you have considerably less desperation than what you had in your 20's. I look forward to the day when I'm not so obsessed and torn up about who I am and what I am doing with my life. Although, as I have argued before, I think it is important to have that sort of driving force.
I believe there is a reason that people in emerging adulthood feel so many pressures to succeed. Without it there would be less and less reasons to move forward and be a productive person. Not that you lose that driving force in mid adulthood, you just understand your role a little better, and can manage yourself better.
It's interesting to me how we often categorize certain behaviors that are expected in each phase of the lifespan based on the norm, but forget that you can revisit or experience certain factors of each at many different times. The idea with adult education shows how our culture can limit or nourish our ability to redefine ourselves based on the era we experience. That in the past, maybe at 40 you really didn't have a lot of options like you do today when it came to returning to school and starting a new career path. These days, it isn't that unusual to restart with a whole new career path in mid adulthood.
I love the fact that you have such high expectaions for yourself. It goes to show that as we age we truely mature right along with it. I admire that you work so hard as a nurse and from the sounds of other posts have raised a nice family! Working and caring for a family is a challenge in itself, but seems as though you have mastered those challenges.
ReplyDeleteI think it sounds like you are not actually in danger of any kind of mid life crisis, you sound like you are exactly where you want to be and enjoying your life.. The difference between the 20s and 40s is substantial, and I know just what you mean when you wouldn't exchange 40 for 20. I don't miss my 20s at all. So much time spent wandering and wondering.. Not that I would trade it, you have to poser through but I am a much more satisfying place in my life.. Yay!
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