Sunday, November 4, 2012
I found this weeks information on divorce and its impact on kids really interesting. I think this is a touchy subject for a lot of people. When you consider that half of all marriages end in divorce you've got to recognize that somethings terribly wrong with the way we as a society approach marriage. The article "Should you stay together for the kids" seems to basically say that you should stay together no matter what. I don't know if I agree with that. I don't see how exposing children to the tension and hostility of a failing marriage can be better than seeing your parents separately but civil. I know that all marriages don't end with both partners retaining the ability to remain respectful to each other but is that worse than living with two people who don't respect each other? I do think that people give up on marriage to easily. They get bored or fall out of love. I've been married for 23 years and I can honestly say that there have been times when divorce seemed like a better option than sticking it out. I met my husband at 19, had our first child at 21, I am a completely different person at 42 than I was then and so is he. When we made our marriage vows we said the traditional for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health and we have literally been all of those. Marriages change and sometimes you just choose to love someone even when its difficult. I think we are often unrealistic in what we expect from marriage. We look for someone to complete us, to fill our gaps. But if you don't complete yourself no one can. Its easy to take each other for granted. Marriage is hard work. My husband is my absolute best friend even after all this time. We have hurt each other terribly and forgiven each other. We have loved each other and hated each other. We have 3 children together. We argue, we disagree, we laugh and we change each other. No one understands me past or present like he does. I know that sometimes divorce is unavoidable. There are circumstances when that is the best and safest solution for everyone involved. But sometimes sticking it out, hanging in there through the really rough patches can bring you to a stronger better place than you even started out at.
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I agree with what you said about staying together no matter what. Is it really better to raise a child in a hostile, unhappy environment, versus two happy, loving ones? I'm not so sure that it is. Of course people who have divorced say they would go back and try again to make it work, but if it's not meant to be it's just not meant to be!
ReplyDeleteI too agree that marriage is a two way streak, nobody is going to know you like your partner after being together for as long as you and your husband have. Even through trials and tribulations you and your husband seemed to always remember the vows you shared on your wedding day, seems all to often people take those "vows" for granted. I know two different couples who went through NASTY divorces only to get married again... The impact on their children was unbearable and has truely affected their own relationships.
ReplyDeleteI think your comments are spot on, they reflect what I thought about the readings very nicely. I was thinking about the part of the readings (I can't remember which article it was) that gave an example of a fellow who got married in his 20s and then divorced thinking he needed someone else, and once in another relationship for a few years which subsequently fell apart, realized that his ex-wife was really a good match for him and had he stuck it out he would have been happier. Too little too late, but I think it was an interesting point - so often people are wanting a quick fix, they have to make a change instead of trying to fix up something they have already put effort into.. Sad..
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